Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
