Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
