Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
