I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
