just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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