Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
