Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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