if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
