Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Small penises have feelings too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it glows. i had to have it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
im on a boat
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