I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
