I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
