dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
