well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
