We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
