This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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