New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
