The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
