Porn is love you can see.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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