you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
