i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
