Tell her she can't have a vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
