It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
