I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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