Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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