god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This baby is an asshole
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
