Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
