Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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