Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
