Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
