a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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