I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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