ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Congratulations! We have a period
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