i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
