nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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