Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
