i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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