You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
