Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
