i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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