The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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