if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
