2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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