Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
