please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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