the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
