I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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