i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My cat gives me a boner
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
