i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
