she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
