A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
