WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
