There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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